


All Our Sorrows Cauldron Into One

by nubianamy



Series: A Turn of the Wheel [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: Closeted Character, M/M, Multi, Paganism, Religious Discussion, Samhain, Suicidal Thoughts, Theology, Threesome - F/M/M, Underage Drinking, Wicca, Witchcraft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-01
Updated: 2014-11-02
Packaged: 2017-12-31 03:39:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1026812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nubianamy/pseuds/nubianamy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jake, Ryder and Marley don't have to pretend at Jake's house, but they're not the only ones who need a safe place to let go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to Spring Will Take the Bow, which is set at Beltane, or May Day. This story takes place six months later at Samhain, or Halloween. I will reiterate that Jake's mom's Pagan group is eclectic and does not practice any particular form of Wicca. Warnings for grief following Finn's death, alcoholism and discussion of suicide. 
> 
> -amy

Marley smiled at Ryder as he approached her and Jake at her locker. "Nice solo today in Glee."

"Thanks." Ryder kept his responding smile polite, but the undercurrent of unspoken conversation had begun before he'd even arrived. He didn't question it anymore; he trusted he knew Marley and Jake well enough to be sure what they were thinking. He knew, for example, that Marley's smile translated to an embrace and a kiss of welcome. He knew she was really saying  _I knew you were singing that song for us,_ just as he knew they heard him reply,  _Every word._

He knew, too, that Jake would have given him an equally enthusiastic hug and kiss if they'd been alone. It was easier, if lonelier, to keep the true nature of their relationship secret at school. There would have been too many questions, too much damage to their reputations.

"Everything set for Saturday?" Ryder asked, as Jake shifted his touch on Marley's back to hold her hand.

Ryder didn't ask Jake if he wanted to hang out on weekends anymore. It wasn't because he didn't want to; rather, the assumption was in place that Ryder would be at Jake's house starting on Friday after school and ending whenever Jake's mom gently but firmly pushed him out the door on Sunday.  _Your mom might want to see you're still alive,_  she'd say, or something equally sarcastic, but Ryder knew she wasn't actually trying to get rid of him. She'd told him in many ways, many times, that he was welcome - including giving him permission to sleep in Jake's bed. That had kind of blown his mind, but as she'd told them (while they had both blushed), "There's no way either of you can accidentally get pregnant."

That didn't make any sense, because Marley also had permission to sleep with them. But then, Marley had been apologetically adamant she wasn't ready for sex - not the kind that involved the possibility of making a baby, anyway. She was happy to watch them fooling around, but so far she'd drawn the line at more than above-the-waist touching. Ryder still felt a little disappointed about that, but he wasn't going to complain, not when he got to do whatever he wanted to do with Jake, and have Marley there with him, kissing and touching his skin and making amazing noises. Seriously, having her watching was just about as hot as having Jake touching him.

Jake was already nodding at him. "Yeah, everything's set. The house is going to be crowded; we'll have a couple tents outside, but most people don't think of Samhain as being warm enough for camping." He pronounced the word  _sovvin._

That was the other reason Ryder didn't need to ask to hang out with Jake on weekends - because if he had a circle thing, Ryder was automatically invited to that, too. They did circles for full moons and eight other holidays. The one time since Beltane he'd decided not to go to circle, he'd realized he missed it. So far, his mother hadn't argued with him about ditching church for Pagan services, but he was sure she hadn't told his dad. His dad wouldn't have been okay with Ryder having a boyfriend, either.

"I'll plan on showing up around eleven?" Marley said. She kissed Jake on the cheek, giving Ryder a little wave, and headed on down the hall. Ryder surreptitiously watched her go.

"You invited her, right?" he asked Jake.

"I told you, Marley doesn't do religion. She's not going to argue with me about it, but I'm sure as hell not going to push her either. It's her choice."

Ryder still thought the whole idea about having a religion that was a  _choice_  was kind of a weird thing. His family was Catholic, and that was kind of it, no question, any more than he had a decision about where they lived or what color couch they had in the living room. But Jake had explained how his mom had let him decide if he wanted to circle with her coven.

"I did plenty of hanging out in my room on Saturday nights, watching DVDs, when I was younger," he'd told Ryder. "It was fine, but eventually I got curious, and that was kind of it."

Ryder thought he might get that. It wasn't like he felt exactly comfortable with the things they did in circle, but he'd decided he liked it anyway, even when it was weird or made him question things he'd thought were true.

Which, he guessed, wasn't all that different from the way things were between him and Jake. He wanted it; yeah, but it was still a big change to go from  _I might have a crush on my best friend_  to  _my best friend's got his tongue in my mouth._  He definitely wasn't complaining, and the pros outweighed the cons by a huge margin, but it was still... new. And sometimes intimidating.

Ryder swallowed, watching Jake bend down to get his backpack.  _And really, really hot._

It was a lot harder to conceal what he was thinking and feeling about Jake - and Marley, for that matter, though he'd never been very good at concealing that to begin with - now that they were actually doing things together. He wasn't sure what he would do if someone called him on it. So far they'd managed to get through the first two months of junior year without anybody calling them fags, at least not without meaning it, and Ryder was really hoping they could keep it that way.

"It's kind of weird," Jake was saying, and Ryder took a couple fast steps to catch up with him. "Around each sabbat I find myself looking around at everybody at school and thinking,  _they have no idea what this holiday means to me._  They just think it's Groundhog Day or the first day of spring or whatever. But for this one, it's weirder because Halloween actually  _does_  mean something to most people."

"Some people think it's a devil's holiday, though. That's not really very respectful of your religion, huh?"

Jake shrugged good-naturedly. "I don't care what people think about it. It's not theirs. Whatever they think they know about what we do, they're gonna be wrong unless they've done it." He patted Ryder on the shoulder. "See you at my place?"

Ryder gave him a nod. He knew what that meant, and it usually involved making out. Even after six months of that with Jake and Marley, he couldn't unlock his bike fast enough.

Jake's mom was there when he arrived first. He could hear vacuuming in the living room. "Jake?" she called.

"Um - no, it's me." Ryder deposited his backpack on the bench beside the door, where Jake usually left his. Jake's mom poked her head around the corner, smiling when she saw Ryder.

"Oh, hi. I'm assuming Jake's on his way home?"

"Yeah, he left at the same time as me." He stood awkwardly against the wall, not exactly knowing what to do next. It wasn't the first time he'd been alone with Jake's mom, but it was a little weird, not knowing the rules. She seemed to realize this suddenly, blinking at him.

"Do you want a snack? Just, I'm a little distracted, getting ready for tomorrow, and... would you mind helping yourself? Except the fudge. That's for after circle. You want to wait for Jake in his room?"

Ryder couldn't help but blush. "I don't... I mean, I don't have to -"

"Ryder." Jake's mom raised an eyebrow at him, both hands on her hips. "If you stay out here with me, I'm going to make you move furniture and dust things. I seriously recommend you escape with a bag of chips while the getting's good."

"Right," he said hastily, scooting into the kitchen. "Got it."

The vacuum went back on immediately, but Ryder hid in the kitchen for a little while until he was sure Jake's mom wasn't going to come in and try to make small talk with him. The aforementioned fudge was wrapped on the counter, and he didn't even attempt to steal a crumb. He did find some carrots and fat-free dip in the back on the second shelf, and a bag of lentil chips, before following Jake's mother's advice.

Eventually, though, he decided he'd waited long enough that he felt guilty for not starting his homework without Jake. He pulled out his phone and typed out a text with laborious care.  _Dude where are you?_

It took a few minutes for a reply to come back.  _Sorry, we ran into Puck at the Save-A-Lot and he's not doing so good. Mar's trying to convince him to come home on the bus with her, but he's playing the drunk asshole._

Ryder sighed. Ever since Jake's brother had gotten kicked out of the Air Force for conduct unbecoming, he'd been even more of a public nuisance around town. There wasn't much he could do without a car, other than offer sympathy. Although...  _You want me to ask your mom to come get him?_

 _Are you at my house?_  And then, following shortly thereafter,  _Yeah, that'd probably be good. The manager's threatening to call the cops and I think Puck's close to decking him._

 _No prob._  Ryder was already heading down the hall to the living room. "Um - Mrs. Roth?"

Jake's mom had managed to move most of the furniture herself, and she didn't seem too exhausted by doing all that vacuuming on top of it. Ryder tried not to feel guilty. She looked at the clock. "Didn't you say Jake was right behind you?"

"Yeah, but he found Puck at the grocery store. He's, um, kind of - " He paused, not sure what he could say about Puck that would sound reasonably kind. His mother made a face.

"Ruth told me she was about ready to kick him out of the house if he got thrown in jail one more time. I'd better go pick him up." She thumbed at her phone, putting it to her ear with a grim expression as she grabbed her purse from the table. "You're welcome to stay here, Ryder."

"No, no, I'll come." He wasn't going to leave Jake and Marley to deal with this without him. Whatever they were doing to hide their relationship, he was still Jake's best friend. It wouldn't look weird to show up at the Save-A-Lot and wrestle Jake's brother into submission. Which, judging from the last couple times Puck had been drunk in public, was probably what was going to happen.

But he was relieved to see Jake and Marley flanking Puck, seated on the sidewalk along the painted concrete exterior of the building, listening to him talking. It wasn't quite cold enough to warrant winter coats and mittens yet, but he could see Marley was shivering. Puck, on the other hand, was wearing an old t-shirt with the sleeves ripped off, and no jacket.  He seemed subdued, not angry at all.

Jake's mother pulled up in front of the store, leaving the SUV to idle there while she climbed out and approached them, Ryder following. But Jake made a subtle gesture, warding them off, and they paused, watching the three of them talking in low voices. Marley reached out and took Puck's hand, and to Ryder's surprise, he let her.

"It wasn't like any of it  _mattered,"_  Puck was saying, with that overly-earnest, too-loud voice Ryder associated with the very drunk.

"No, I think it did," Marley replied. "Puck, are you ready to go now? Our ride's here."

Puck looked up at them, taking a moment to focus. He barely acknowledged Ryder, but nodded warily at Jake's mom. "You here to drag my ass back to my Ma's?"

"Not until you're sober," she replied. He barked a laugh, struggling to his feet without assistance from Jake or Marley.

"You're gonna have a hell of a long wait. Pretty sure I ain't been sober for the last month."

"Well, this is a good time of year to start something new." Jake's mom held open the car door, watching Jake, but he wasn't touching Puck, and Puck seemed willing enough to climb into the back seat, sprawled across the bench. Marley got into the back behind the driver's seat while Jake sat in the front beside his mom. It felt a little awkward to be there next to Marley, but she seemed glad enough to see him, reaching out to touch his knee just briefly.

Jake's hand snaked back behind the passenger seat to grasp Ryder's, hidden below line of sight. Ryder could hear him sigh, and was trying to decide if he should ask any questions or just keep holding Jake's hand, when Puck spoke.

"Tomorrow's that thing you guys do. With the maze."

Ryder wasn't sure if Puck meant  _corn_  or  _twisty little passages,_ but Jake turned his head to look across the SUV at Puck in surprise. "The labyrinth, yeah? How'd you know about that?"

"I mowed your yard last year. Elizabeth let me help stick candles in the ground.  I asked questions." He shrugged. "Maybe I'll come check it out."

"Nobody comes  _into_  circle with alcohol in their system," Jake's mom said firmly. "I'm not saying you're not invited, Noah, but I'm certain Elizabeth and Peter will agree with me about that."

They rode in silence for a while, Ryder wondering about this labyrinth thing and Puck's apparent interest. He wished Jake hadn't let go of his hand, and considered trying to take Marley's instead. Then Puck sighed, long and loud.

"Okay, fine. Sober." He wore a sour face, but his voice sounded defeated. "I guess I can get there in twenty-four hours."

"You're welcome to stay at our place tonight," Jake's mom told him.

 _That was going to be nothing but weird,_ Ryder thought, because while Puck had always treated him fine, Ryder couldn't exactly imagine Puck being okay with his little brother messing around with a guy. Friday night had been kind of their chance to shake off the pretend Jake and Ryder and Marley and just be real with each other, but it sounded like they weren't going to have a chance to let that happen.

Jake's mom got Puck into the house and down the hall toward the sewing room, where Ryder knew there was a twin bed. Marley was the first to catch Ryder's hand in the hallway, as soon as Puck was out of sight, pulling him into a tight hug.

"You okay?" he asked, and she nodded.

"I hadn't seen him like that before," she said. "I wasn't sure what to do, but I think he really just needed to talk."

"What about?"

"Finn." Jake emerged from his room, looking tired. "This was about Finn."

Ryder wasn't surprised to hear that, either. Puck had been hit hard by Finn's death, and they'd all seen the way he'd struggled for months afterward. He shifted his arms to rest on Jake's waist, reveling in the sensation of Jake's hands reaching around to hold his back. "He wants a chance to say goodbye to his best friend."

"Kind of," said Marley, but Jake looked away, not saying anything. Ryder waited, but that was apparently all Jake was going to say.

"What?" he prodded.

"He doesn't want to say goodbye to him," Marley said. "He wants to join him."


	2. Chapter 2

When Elizabeth arrived at the door, wearing her workout gear and bearing six bags of miscellaneous supplies, Ryder didn't hesitate to offer help. "Can I get those for you?" he said, taking the bags off her shoulders. She smiled at him.

"Those go on the back deck," she told him. "And would you ask Tanisha to get the lawn mower out of the garage?"

The lawn really did need mowing, tall and dry and shaggy as it was, but hardly anybody was bothering at this time of year anymore. Rather than bother Elizabeth or Jake's mom, who were clearly busy with preparations of some kind, he asked Jake.

"What's up with the lawn mower?" He pulled up a chair and sat at the table across from Jake. Puck was shuffling a deck of cards with far too much skill for someone who'd had as much to drink as he had. "It's too cold for anybody to camp in your backyard this weekend, isn't it?"

"Yeah, we mostly don't bother to have outdoor circles after Samhain. But this one's important to do outside. It's kind of a journey."

"I told you, they're making a labyrinth," said Puck. "Like a maze, only with one path. No choices about where you go, until you end up in the center."

Marley looked at Puck with surprise. "Do you care about this stuff?"

"I don't." He riffled the cards and dealt four neat hands. "It's all bullshit. But I helped mow the labyrinth last year."

"I think Elizabeth's doing candles in paper bags this year. The ones stuck in the ground almost caught the grass on fire." Jake accepted the cards from Puck. "Anyway, it'll still be cool."

Ryder looked at the cards, trying to bury his disappointment. This was not the way he'd planned to spend his Friday night. Well, okay, maybe he sometimes played cards with Jake and Marley, but it was well mixed with kissing and casual touching, the kind of things they didn't get all week. "What are we playing?"

"Hearts." Puck dug three cards out of his hand and passed them to Ryder on his left.

"Elizabeth's got a bunch of extra setup today. Normally she wouldn't be here until Saturday, but..." Jake glanced at Puck, then away.

Puck said loudly, staring at the cards, so Elizabeth would have no choice but to hear, "She's here for me, okay?" In a more normal tone of voice, albeit a drunk one, he added, "And I don't need a fucking confessional with the priest. Priestess. Whatever."

"There's nothing to confess," Elizabeth said from the doorway. Ryder looked up at her, standing there unsmiling in her workout shorts, her long grey hair tied up in a bun on her head. "There's no sin in our religion. And even if there were, it's not your religion. I wouldn't hold you to any of our standards. I'm just here to put the labyrinth together."

"Surrrrre you are." Puck snorted, accepting three cards from Marley.

Jake gave Elizabeth an apologetic look. To Ryder, he said, "She's more like Ms. Pillsbury. No pamphlets, but... a different perspective, maybe."

"I'll be outside, marking the grass with spray paint before it gets dark. Best to mow it this evening, before the dew falls." She disappeared into the kitchen.

Ryder had pretty good cards, but he hadn't played hearts enough times to feel confident about it. He watched Marley lead with the two. When he took the trick with the king of clubs, he wasn't sure what to lead next. "I can't lead a heart, right? Not until hearts have been played?"

"What a fucking stupid rule," Puck muttered. He ran a hand over his head.

"No, that's right," Jake confirmed. "Play something else."

"I'm just saying, it's stupid," Puck said again, louder this time. Marley reached out a hand for Jake, and he took it. Puck stared at them, holding hands on the table. "See, that's the way it should be. Lead with the hearts. Don't keep them in your fucking hand. Because..."

There was a long silence, while Ryder decided to play a low club.  _Safer,_  he thought. Somebody else could take the lead.

"Because why?" Marley asked softly. Puck looked up at her, appearing surprised to be asked. Maybe he'd already forgotten what they were talking about.

"Because," Puck said. " _Because,_  if you hold back, someday it might be too late." He tossed a five of hearts down, on top of the pile of black cards. "Ha. There. Let it all hang out."

This was feeling far too personal for Ryder's comfort. He wondered if he could justify giving up the game and going outside to help Elizabeth with setup. It wasn't  _his_  religion, either, but Elizabeth was pretty cool, for an old lady.

Puck gathered in his cards and stacked them neatly in front of him. He played the ace of hearts and glared at everyone defiantly. "There. Give 'em to me."

Everyone put their low hearts in. Marley shrugged as she played a club. "Sucky hand."

"You play what you're dealt," Puck said, sounding magnanimous. He surveyed his own cards. "Looks to me you've got a pretty good hand, huh?"

"What do you mean? Those are your cards."

"He's not talking about the cards," Jake said. Puck cackled, tossing out the ace of diamonds.

"He's fucking right. I've got all the good cards today. But my hand in  _life,_  Marley Rose. My hand in  _life_  sucks donkey balls. And yours..." He waved a vague hand at the table. "Is looking kind of awesome."

There was an awkward silence. Jake cleared his throat. "Puck..."

"Hey, Santana and Britt and me had threesomes," he went on. "What's the big? So what if people call you fags? People called me all kinds of things." He looked sidelong at Ryder. "So, what, are you boning my brother? The three of you, you getting it on?"

"Puck!" Jake said again, outraged. Ryder sent a silent appeal to Marley.

"I'm not," Marley said. "I mean, you're right, the three of us, we're together. But I'm not ready for sex."

Ryder couldn't even look at her. He fixed his eyes on the tabletop where the ace of diamonds waited, taunting him. He looked at his miserable three of diamonds.  _I have to follow suit. That's the rule._

"Huh." Puck looked at her. "I was totally ready for sex when I was, like, fourteen."

"Well, everybody's different," Marley said, her voice steady. "Some people don't want other people in their business."

"That's bullshit," Puck scoffed. "That's just code for  _I'm scared what people will think."_

"So what if she is?" Jake said. He held tighter to Marley's hand.

She shook her head. "I'm not scared. I love Jake." She smiled across the table at Ryder. "I love Ryder, too."

It wasn't the first time any of them had said the words, but mostly they'd been spoken within the boundaries of Jake's room. Ryder kept his eyes on his three of diamonds as he played it.

"It's not your turn," Puck pointed out.

"So what," he said. "It's the card I have to play. Who cares if you guys see it a little early?" He took a deep breath and looked at Marley. "I love you too, Mar."

"See, that's what I'm  _talking_  about," Puck said, nodding emphatically. "Lay the cards out there. Lead with the heart." He patted his own chest enthusiastically.

It was hard to tell if Jake was blushing or not, but he looked a little flustered. He set his own diamond on the pile. "Not everybody's as brave as you, bro."

"Brave?" Puck hooted, loud enough to make the walls of the dining room ring. "I'm not fucking  _brave._ If you hadn't noticed, I'm fucking  _drunk._  And that means I get to say allllll the shit I don't usually say. Well, except that I'm mostly drunk these days." He snickered. "Come on, Marley. You put your card down."

"It's Jake's turn," she said.

He looked at her. "I already played."

"I'm not talking about the cards." She looked meaningfully at Ryder. Now Jake was definitely blushing. He opened his mouth.

"Me and Jake," Ryder interrupted. He looked over at Puck. "We're together."

"Yeah, I know," Puck said. "I could tell. I'm kind of an expert at being in love with your best friend."

They all stared at him in shocked silence while Puck reached over and took the card Marley was holding, a six of diamonds. He threw it on top of the pile and raked the cards into the pile in front of himself.

"You and Finn?" Jake said, his voice subdued.

Puck rolled his eyes. "Well, what other fucking best friend would I be talking about?"

"Were you guys, you know?" Marley asked. She made a little finger touching gesture.

"No, we were,  _you know,_ " Puck mimicked. His own hand gesture was a lot less subtle. Jake choked on a laugh.

"Oh my god, Puck." Now she looked sympathetic again. "Did anybody know?"

"Our fraternity guessed. They didn't care." Puck tossed the jack of diamonds onto the table. "But we never told our parents or anybody from high school. Kurt figured it out, and he was pissed at us for not saying anything." He sighed, resting his head on his folded hands, the cards tucked inside. "Turns out he was right."

"You wish you'd come out?" Marley was talking to Puck, but she was looking at Jake. He was looking at his cards.

"Yeah," Puck said aggressively. "Of course I do. I fucking wish I'd told everybody in the fucking world how I felt about him."

"I think people could tell," Ryder said. Jake looked up at him. "I mean, not that you guys were... but I mean, how you felt. It's hard to hide that stuff."

" _That stuff."_  Puck's voice was bitter. "It's not  _stuff._  It's fucking  _love._  Just call it what is is."

He was glaring a challenge at Ryder. Ryder cleared his throat.

"I love... Marley," he said. "And Jake. I love Jake, too." He looked over at Marley, who was smiling. "I'm okay saying it."

"You are?" Jake said, sounding surprised.

"Yeah, I'm okay with people knowing. I didn't think  _you_  were." He set his cards down. "I mean, I don't have to be all those things people say. They can say what they want."

"You be yourself," Puck said. "If that's not good enough for them, fuck 'em."

"I think I'm gonna go help Elizabeth in the yard," Ryder said, pushing his chair out. Jake stood up too, and he saw Marley nodding, letting go of Jake's hand.

"I'll come too," Jake said. "We can finish this game later."

"Whatever." Puck waved them along.

Jake waited until they were all the way in the hallway and around the corner before he grabbed Ryder's arm. "What the fuck was that?"

"Hey, sorry, man, if I embarrassed you in front of your brother," Ryder snapped.

Jake shook his head. "No, no, that was - okay, that was a little embarrassing, but so what. I can totally deal. I'm talking about you and me." He looked hurt. "You didn't tell me you wanted - that."

"What? To tell other people?" He squirmed away when Jake nodded. "I don't... I mean, I  _do._  I'm just... the two of you, you've got something. Everybody knows it."

"No, man." Jake's voice was gentle now. " _We've_  got something. All of us, but... especially you and me. You know that, right?"

It still took his breath away to have Jake looking at him like that. He grinned, moving in close against him, placing a hand on Jake's chest. "Yeah. I know it. I just didn't want to ruin what you and Mar had, at school."

Jake nodded soberly. "I'm not gonna lie and say it wouldn't be hard. But I think... I think it would be worth it."

He kissed Ryder and it was just the kind of kiss Jake knew he liked, enough to make him lose whatever words were left in his brain and just lose himself in the feeling of Jake's hand, touching his cheek, Jake's tongue, the sensation of Jake's breath against his lips. He let out a long sigh.

"You love me that much?" he asked.

"Yeah," Jake whispered. "Not too scary?"

"No," he said immediately. "Not too scary. Way less scary than what we've been doing, at least for me."

"Scary stuff is easier when you've got somebody to do it with." He took Ryder's hand and pulled him along the hallway, smiling.

"So, Puck and Finn," said Ryder.

"I know. Now I feel even worse for him. Losing your best friend's one thing."

"I think that'd be about the worst thing," Ryder said. He pulled Jake to a stop beside the back door and hugged him, hard.

"Oh," Jake said. He stood there and hugged Ryder back. "Yeah."

"Yeah," Ryder echoed. He felt the tears just behind his eyes, and realized they'd been lurking there all day. He sniffed, burying his face into Jake's neck. "I don't know what I'd do if you -"

"Hey. I'm not going anywhere. This time of the year, right now especially, it's easy to feel death kind of strongly." He kissed Ryder again, just on the cheek this time, but it made Ryder feel better.

"You think Puck's here for a reason?" he asked.

"Maybe." Jake shrugged. "Maybe it's just coincidence, but... who knows."

They walked out to the back yard, where Jake's mom was standing in the center of the big yard beside a string tied to a pole. The string was marked at regular intervals, and Elizabeth was spraying the grass with bright orange spray paint in the shape of a maze.

"That's about all of it," she called to Jake's mom, who nodded. She made her way through the long grass to Jake and Ryder. "One of you boys want to help me with the mowing?"

"Sure," said Jake. "I was thinking, Puck might want to be in circle with us tonight. He's got some things to let go of."

"That's a good goal," she agreed. "He's welcome. It's up to him, though. I wouldn't ask it of him." She looked keenly at Jake. "You, though. You have some goals. Tonight might be a good time to address them."

Jake looked suddenly uncomfortable. He glanced at Ryder.

"Your boyfriend should know," she said. "Especially if he's going to be in circle with you in the future." She made a questioning look at Jake, and after a moment, he nodded. She turned to Ryder. "Jake's asked for initiation to become a priest of the Wicca."

"Oh." It wasn't what Ryder had expected, and he wasn't sure what to say. "Uh... that's good?"

"He can't begin until he's eighteen," she said. "And it would be with a different group. I can teach him, if he wants, but he can't make that choice until he's an adult."

"I'm not totally sure yet," Jake said. She nodded.

"That's okay. You don't have to know. I just wanted you to know I spoke with your mother, and I support you in that choice." She looked over at Ryder. "Just as I support you in your relationship with Marley and Ryder."

Jake smiled. He reached for Ryder's hand, and Ryder took it, only a little surprised.

"That's the first time anybody's called him  _my boyfriend._  But... yeah, he is."

There was a satisfied noise behind them. Ryder jerked his head around to see Puck standing there, his arms crossed, a grin on his face.

"That's what I'm  _talking_  about."

"You're welcome to join us in circle tomorrow, Puck," Elizabeth said. Puck shrugged.

"I don't think I'll be going anywhere. Tanisha told me I can't go home until I'm sober, and she'll be waiting a long time for that."

"You'll have to be sober if you want to be in circle," she said. After a moment, he nodded.

"You want me to mow the labyrinth for you?" he offered.

She looked at him sternly. "What are your chances of getting it right, in your condition? You don't get a second chance to do it right."

Puck appeared to be offended, but Ryder could tell he was kind of laughing, too. "Look, I know I'm a screw-up, okay, but I can cut the fucking grass."

In the end, he did it with Jake's supervision, and it came out great. Ryder looked over the patterns cut into the lawn with interest.

"This is really cool," he said, "but I don't see how it's much of a maze. You kind of just... walk it, and you get there eventually."

"That's the point." Jake gestured at the entrance. "There's all kinds of scientific studies on the effect of walking a path like this. You can even just do it with your finger on a paper and it works the same way. Something about the way your brain interprets it, I guess."

Ryder took a couple steps in, looking at the grass dubiously. "Okay?"

Jake nodded. "A labyrinth can be a lot of things, but tomorrow, on Samhain, it's a trip into the underworld. You go down, you come out changed." He touched Ryder's arm. "Trust me."

There was no question about that. After Elizabeth went home, they had dinner, the five of them, and finished their game of hearts. Ryder hung out with Jake while he played guitar and they all sang, but he couldn't stop thinking about the labyrinth, and what Elizabeth had said about Jake and initiation.

"Puck and I will clean up in the kitchen," Jake's mom told them, nodding at the hallway. "You three go on. Marley, your mom will be expecting you home by eleven."

"I'll turn off the porch light on my way out," she said. Puck watched them go with a clearly envious expression, but he didn't say anything.

"I feel kind of bad, leaving him out here," Marley said to Jake. "It's sort of rubbing it into his face, what he doesn't have anymore."

"That doesn't mean we shouldn't appreciate it," said Jake. He closed his bedroom door behind them all, taking Marley into his arms. "Just because other people don't have something doesn't mean  _we_  shouldn't have it."

She laughed. "Yeah, I don't think  _anybody_  else has this."

"Maybe they do, but they're all hiding, too," said Ryder. He sat on the edge of the bed. "Maybe they're scared to tell people, just like we are." He looked at Jake, who was watching him with that expression again, the one that made him feel like the luckiest guy in the world. "I'm kind of sick of hiding, guys."

"Yeah?" Marley turned to him, pushing him down onto the bed and climbing onto his legs, smiling. "You want to do this in front of everyone?"

"Uh, well," Ryder said, laughing, "maybe not  _this._  But -  _this."_  He gestured at the three of them, and reached out for Jake, who joined them on the bed. "This, I want everyone to know about. Because you're so awesome."

"I'm game," Marley agreed. She kissed Ryder, then Jake. "That's two of us."

Jake was smiling, but he shrugged. "We might take a lot of heat, if we came out at school. I've never even said the words to anybody. I don't even know what words to use."

"I think we say we're together," said Marley, "and let everybody else draw their own conclusions? I'm not even sure there's a name for somebody who thinks it's hot when her two boyfriends make out."

Ryder laughed. "I think you don't need a name for that. You get to like what you like."

"Yeah." She sounded so pleased. "Lucky me."


	3. Chapter 3

Puck spent the entire next day getting in everybody's business, but Ryder was pretty sure he didn't touch a drop of alcohol. He jammed with him on the guitar a little bit when it was obvious that Jake's mom was reaching her limit of patience with him. They made sandwiches and watched stupid movies all afternoon, and eventually it was time to get ready for the circle.

"You take a shower," said Jake, gesturing to the bathroom. "There's salt in there. You mix it with water and dump it over your head, and each of your chakras - uh, all up and down your back and front. The points along your spine, you know?" He touched the top of his head, then his forehead, his throat, his chest, his groin. "Then you have to put on clean clothes afterward."

"What's the point of the salt?" Ryder asked, after Puck was gone.

Jake grinned. "I asked Elizabeth the same thing, a couple years ago. She said,  _because people are stinky if they don't shower before circle._ Salt's a natural cleanser."

Elizabeth and her husband Peter arrived first, bearing paper bags and votive candles. "No rain forecast," he said as he set down their supplies. "And the wind will be minimal. Good weather for a labyrinth."

"Most years we do it in the basement," Jake told Ryder. "If it's rainy or snowing, we're kind of screwed. But that can be cool, too. One time we used glow-in-the-dark electrical tape."

While Elizabeth, Peter, Tanisha and Ryder placed votives in paper bags along the pattern of the labyrinth, Jake tuned his guitar and played a meditative song in a minor key. It talked about candles and lighting the way and journeys.

 _Though the heart is heavy as the dance is burning down,_  
 _may you raise your eyes and never bow your head.  
_ _We are not alone._

Jake left his guitar on its stand and took Ryder's hand, leading him back into the house. He hadn't bothered to hide his affection all day, and other than a few snide comments from Puck, it had been completely normal. They passed Puck in the hallway, coming out of the bathroom, warm and clean and dressed in sweatpants.

"I don't need, like, a robe or anything?" asked Puck. He looked uncharacteristically uncertain.

"No, you can wear anything you want," Jake told him. He gestured at the bathroom. "We'll be out in a bit."

Puck smirked. "Have fun."

Ryder felt his cheeks heating, standing in the small, steamy bathroom with Jake. "We're going to shower together?"

"I'm, um." Jake gave him a little smile. "I'm going to, uh. Cleanse you."

It felt an awful lot like showering with him, but Ryder let Jake do whatever he was going to do. Naked, under the spray, rubbing against Jake's soapy body, it was impossible not to be turned on, but Jake just seemed to take it as a matter of course. He rubbed salt scrub into Ryder's skin, both front and back, on all the spots he'd touched when he'd spoken with Puck earlier, saying quiet words under his breath.

"What are you saying?" Ryder asked curiously. His entire body was tingling from the closeness and the heat and the friction of the salt.

Jake knelt on the floor of the tub, ignoring the water splashing onto his head. He looked up at Ryder, watching him with what he was sure was a stunned expression. He rubbed salt into the tops of Ryder's feet, letting the water wash it away. Then he bent down and kissed them.

"Blessed by thy feet," said Jake, "that have brought thee in these ways." He kissed Ryder's knees. "Blessed be thy knees, that shall kneel at the sacred altar."

"Dude," Ryder said weakly. The words were reverent. He wasn't sure what to do with them, or the way they made him feel.

With great purpose, Jake kissed the base of his half-hard cock. It wasn't like he was trying to give him a blowjob. This was definitely different from that.

"Blessed be thy phallus, without which we would not be." He carefully stood, slipping a little on the salt and oil mixture inside the tub. Ryder gripped his arms, helping steady him, and Jake smiled. He bent his head to kiss both sides of Ryder's chest. "Blessed be thy breasts, formed in strength." When he straightened up, he leaned in and gave him a chaste kiss on the mouth. "Blessed be thy lips, that shall utter the sacred names."

Then Jake gave him a real kiss, an emphatic one with plenty of tongue, one that made Ryder moan against his mouth and buck against his hip. Their hands found one another's hardness, stroking quickly, with purpose. In minutes, they were both gasping out their release.

"There was no way I was going to be able to go into circle like that," Jake said, breathing hard. They both laughed. Ryder kissed him gratefully.

"That thing you did," he said. "With the kissing. What was that?"

"It's just part of preparing for circle. You do it with oil, if you're by yourself, but you give those kisses when you have a partner." The look he gave Ryder as he dried off was endearingly shy. "I've never done that before, with somebody else."

"It was... intense." Ryder dried his hair and passed the towel to Jake. "I don't know, like, any sacred names."

"I know. Me either. That's something you learn if you decide to do the real thing, the initiation."

"You're gonna do that?" He couldn't help but let his admiration come through in his voice.

Jake shrugged, looking embarrassed. "Maybe. I've got time to think about it. It's kind of a big deal."

"I can tell," Ryder said. "I think... I think you'd be good at it."

That seemed to please Jake, and they got dressed in silence, coming out to join the rest of the members of the circle, assembled in the kitchen, talking and laughing. They hugged Ryder along with Jake. It didn't feel like he was the outsider anymore, not after a couple months of this. He knew everybody's name, and he knew what to do. He felt... prepared. His skin tingled with the memory of Jake's kisses, and the salt and water.

Elizabeth called for quiet, raising her hands. "Before we go outside," she said, "we have these pieces of paper here. You're going to write something on them, something you want to eliminate from your life. Something you want to say goodbye to. It can be physical or emotional or spiritual, and you don't have to tell anybody what you wrote. Bring it with you to the center of the labyrinth. Someone will be waiting for you there to receive you." She turned to Jake. "You want to go first, or last?"

"Last," Jake decided. He was already holding his paper, and tucked it into his pocket as he picked up his guitar. "I'll play while everybody else walks."

Elizabeth raised her hands again, and the silence in the room changed. They all waited, watching and listening.

"You see here a blank paper," she said, "but it is not a paper. It is an unasked question, an unformed thought. It is a double-edged blade. It is a plate waiting to be filled with your sorrow, your stresses, your woes. There is no feeling too great it cannot hold, no hurt so great it cannot encompass. Pour that which is not your best self into its waiting hands."

Ryder didn't have to think too long before he wrote on his paper,  _Silence._  He looked over at Puck, who was staring at his own paper.

"Fuck it," Puck muttered. Ryder tried not to notice, but Puck wasn't trying to hide it. He scrawled the word,  _Finn._

Ryder touched his arm, and Puck stopped beside him, scowling.

"What?"

"You don't really want to," Ryder protested.

"Of course I don't fucking  _want_  to," Puck said. "But I have to. I have to get him out of my head, if I'm going to do anything at all. Right now all I can do is try not to miss him every fucking second of every day." Puck looked into his eyes with desperation. "There's got to be something other than that for me to do."

They went outside to stand in line before the labyrinth. Jake was already playing that same song he'd sung the day before, but in the dark, with the candles lit, it felt like a bigger deal.

 _Walk between the worlds, bravely down the candle road._  
 _The light will lead you deep into your core._  
 _Move into the center, add your sorrow to the coals  
_ _with incense rising, steady as a prayer._

 _Though the heart is heavy as the dance is burning down,_  
 _may you raise your eyes and never bow your head.  
_ _We are not alone._

Elizabeth stood beside the entrance, regarding them impassively. They could see a figure in the center, waiting.

"You stand before the gates of death," she said, "a question in your head. Who are you going to see? When you pass through these gates, who will be waiting for you? Will you walk alone, or will you go holding someone's hand?"

Ryder looked down at Puck's own hand, clutching his arm. He put an arm around his shoulder and gave him an awkward squeeze.

"You don't have to do this," he said.

"Yeah," said Puck. "I really do." He took a deep breath and started on the path, alone. After a moment, Jake followed him.

Elizabeth's words followed them, too. "You push forward unafraid, through the gate to the other side, and begin your journey, down the glowing path lined with candles, through the mist of incense rising around you. The light is faint but you sense where you need to go."

It was strange, how walking quietly on the curved path in the dark, surrounded by candles, how easy it was to feel like he was somewhere else. It even felt heavy on his heart, each step, as he took each turn. He could still hear Elizabeth speaking, but it sounded like her voice came from a lot further away, not just from across the yard. He clutched his paper in his hand.

"And as you walk, you can feel the rhythm of your footfalls leading you deeper into yourself, guided by the light, the light of your own awareness. You feel the weight of your deepest fears and sorrows upon you as you walk forward, but you know with certainty that you are not alone, and that you never will be. And this buoys your heart, and your sorrows rise up, up above you, and you raise your eyes to look ahead, not down, and you see before you another walking, and another. A great line of others before you, and behind you, walking on."

Jake couldn't see Puck now. The way the labyrinth bent and turned, it was hard to keep track of who was where. Some people were far ahead of him, but the lines bent back again and he ended up passing them several times along the way. Some of them smiled at him, others focused on their own paths. Every few seconds, there was a flash in the center of the circle.

"You make another turn, and forward, and turn again, like a dance, a serpentine winding path in the comforting dimness, as you descend into your own heart." Elizabeth's voice was calm and supportive." You feel warmer as you walk, the embrace of the dark leading you on, the questions of the season burning inside you."

Ryder paused as Puck stopped. He realized they were in the center. The man in the robe was Peter, but Ryder didn't think that mattered. He raised his hands to receive them.

"Place the paper in the cauldron," Peter said.

For a moment, Ryder thought Puck might be about to bolt out of the circle. But he took a deep breath, one that sounded a little like a sob, and dropped it in. The light flashed, and the paper was gone.

"Fuck," he said, his voice broken. Ryder stood out of his way as he stumbled on his way, continuing down the path that would lead him out. Peter's expression was impassive.

"Go on," he said.

Ryder dropped his own paper in the cauldron, watching it burn up immediately. He guessed it must have been special paper, or something, but the effect was strangely freeing. He felt himself walking straighter,

"You pass your paper into the fire burning in the cauldron," Elizabeth was saying, "and it burns brightly, just for a moment, and is gone – as though it never existed. And you can believe it, in this comforting darkness, that your sorrows were never real, and all you feel is the love of this lesson, your life laid out before you, leading you here, to the center, where you are always going. You raise your eyes and see him smiling at you, and you are reborn, all fears gone, all sorrows laid to rest."

Ryder was able to focus on the sounds of the circle on his way out. He watched Puck, making sure he didn't fall on his way. He heard Jake singing, and Elizabeth's words, and it felt like he could handle all of it now.

"You turn, feeling lighter, freer, and bid farewell to the robed figure, walking back along the candle path, slowly making each turn, emerging from inside yourself, back to where you began. Your breath comes easier. You are ready to go on."

When he emerged, the last few people were entering the labyrinth. Jake was standing beside the exit, still playing. Puck was beside him, watching his fingers carefully and wiping his eyes.

"Let me take over," he said, holding out his hand to take the guitar. Jake looked at him in surprise. "Come on. You need to take your turn."

Jake paused in playing, then nodded, passing the guitar over to Puck. Puck began where Jake had left off, with hardly a break in the music. Ryder hadn't heard him play since the day he sang  _No Surrender_  in Glee, for Finn's memorial, but he seemed competent enough.

"Go on," Puck said again, tossing his head at the labyrinth. His eyes were red and clear.

"I'll stay with him," Ryder said, surprising himself. Jake smiled, then leaned over and kissed Ryder, right in front of Puck and everybody.

"I love you," he said.

"Yeah," said Ryder, trying to stay calm. "Yeah, me too." He watched Jake take the piece of paper out of his pocket and hold it, looking into the labyrinth. "What did you...?"

"It's for all of us," said Jake, showing him the paper that read  _Fear._  "But I think we've got time. We've all got time."

He could hear Elizabeth's smile in her voice. "And you look up and at the figures beside you, those who have walked the path in front and behind you, and you see those you love. You will walk this path with them again, just as you have walked it before. Your path is lit, and you are not alone."

* * *

 _Walk between the worlds, bravely down the candle road._  
 _The light will lead you deep into your core._  
 _Move into the center, add your sorrow to the coals  
_ _with incense rising, steady as a prayer._

 _Though the heart is heavy as the dance is burning down,_  
 _may you raise your eyes and never bow your head.  
_ _We are not alone._

 _It only takes the tiniest of fires sometimes_  
 _to light the way you knew was always there._  
 _In the heart of matters, it's the journey keeps us warm,  
_ _the lights that lead us where we are to go._

 _May you raise your eyes and know with every step:  
_ _we are not alone._

 _We are come to the labyrinth tonight,_  
 _walking one by one._  
 _In the dark of Samhain, a riddle burning bright,  
_ _and candles waving down._

 _We are vessels of the highest love_  
 _in a lesson, burning bright, the lesson of our lives._  
 _When all our sorrows cauldron into one,  
_ _be reborn, this Samhain night._

\- [SJ Tucker, "Come to the Labyrinth](http://youtu.be/raG40x1fVtM)"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The words spoken by Jake were the [fivefold kiss](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fivefold_kiss). 
> 
> The labyrinth ritual is based on one I wrote in 2010. You're welcome to use it, but I'd love to hear about it if you do. We really did use glow-in-the-dark electrical tape to draw the labyrinth.
> 
> Thanks to Sooj for the music and the inspiration.


End file.
